Archive for June, 2008

This just in: Mars needs Asparagus!

June 27th, 2008
Posted in Funny, Things that go in your mouth

That robot we sent to Mars is sending back some very interesting information, primarily on the agricultural fronts. We all know about the shortage of good soil in which to grow asparagus on Earth – Victoria’s recent good fortune is due to the favourable soil conditions in which to grow this rare and highly sought-after vegetable. All that will be coming to an end soon, as the Mars Robot has discovered soil on Mars that is capable of supporting asparagus cultivation and harvesting.

Sam Kounaves, the lead investigator for the wet chemistry laboratory on Phoenix, explained that “it is the type of soil you would probably have in your back yard, you know, alkaline. You might be able to grow asparagus in it really well. ... It is very exciting for us.”

No more asparagus shortages on Earth! All hail the Mars Robot, discoverer of an entire planet suitable for growing asparagus! The “red planet” shall henceforth be known as the “green planet”. Onwards!

[Edit: Image courtesy of Michael Wood, esq.]

One difference between Bill Gates and Steve Jobs

June 27th, 2008
Posted in Cult of Steve, Geek

There’s an old memo from billg making its rounds through the tubes lately, and it’s very interesting for a few reasons.

The first, and most obvious to me, is that Bill’s a computer use like everyone else. He can’t figure out some of the weirdnesses of Windows, he’s frustrated when technology doesn’t work the way it ought to. He gets annoyed when websites take too long to do something simple.

it is … like a puzzle that you get to solve. It told me to go to Windows Update and do a bunch of incantations.

and

Then it told me to reboot my machine. Why should I do that? I reboot every night — why should I reboot at that time?

The second, and more subtle, thing I noticed was his management style. He went through the steps to install software like any normal user would. Good. Any CEO worth their beans does that. “Don’t believe your own PR” and all that. He then put together a well-written rant about it and sent it to the appropriate managers. In the postscript, he’s quoted as saying that he considers it his job to do things like that. Again; good.

The problem here is that there doesn’t appear to be any followthrough whatsoever. The people to whom he sent the email have done nothing to fix the problems. While I’m sure they’ve gone and done a lot of interesting work, nothing they’ve done has solved the basic problems that Bill has outlined in his email. Windows Update is still slow, it still asks you to restart at weird times (to be fair, so does Apple’s Software Update). The Microsoft website is still incomprehensible. Add/Remove programs is a wasteland. Little, if anything, has changed here. This is five years later.

The difference here between Bill and Steve Jobs in this instance is that if Steve had to come to the point of writing an email like that, people would be losing their jobs. Where Bill fires off missives about user experience, Steve fires people who don’t measure up. Steve seems a much more hands-on leader. “Drinking the Kool-Aid”, or “experiencing the Reality Distortion Field”, or whatever you want to call it, is a very important element in creating a cohesive ecosystem of products and services. Steve’s got that, Bill doesn’t. Perhaps he did at one point, but certainly doesn’t now. And Ballmer? Don’t make me laugh.

Bill’s leaving Microsoft a few years too late. He should have left a short while after the release of XP, while they were still on top of their game, before Google and Apple were such confirmed threats to their business. Now, it just looks like he’s another rat jumping off a sinking ship. Fake Steve’s analogy of the three-legged race, in which two slow runners try to win a speed running race by tying themselves together by the ankle is apt. A few months ago, it seemed like Yahoo was the weaker runner. Now I’d say they’re equally screwed.

Truth in scamming

June 24th, 2008
Posted in Culture & Trash, Funny

I’ve had the same basic email address for about 15 years now, and in my misspent youth, I was doing some fairly unsafe things with it (the Internet wasn’t evil then!). Upshot is, I get a lot of spam. This past month, I got over 42,000 pieces of spam. Apple Mail does a fairly good job of figuring out what is spam and what isn’t, but some still gets through the cracks. My favourites are the Nigerian scam emails, mostly due to their laughably bad English and overall implausibility.

The one I’m about to share with you now, gentle reader, is particularly good – mostly due to its refreshingly blunt honesty. I won’t republish the entire thing, but here’s some good bits:

We are the Comptroller of Fund movement Terminal and Director of Statutory Department of Inter Banks Credit Commission. My Department is affiliated to FSA, UN, WORLD BANK, W.A.F.

Imagine this guy’s business card! How big would it have to be to fit all that on?

Fortunately, our Terminal in New York has been monitoring the routing of your fund for seizure’s became sympathetic to you for such attempt to carry on.

I’m glad there’s some terminal in New York that is sympathetic to seizures. Perhaps the Epilepsy Foundation ought to be notified?

For this reason, you must not inform anybody about this letter or my contact with you. You must keep my relationship with you to be topped secret and highly confidential.

Oops.

But here’s the best part – the only actually honest part of this whole email (emphasis mine):

Therefore, further details will be furnished to you and my identity will be forwarded to you as soon as I deceive your reply.

Freudian slip there, Mr Nigerian Scammer? Or a wave of subconscious guilt, forcing at least your fingers to do the right thing? We will never know.

Now if you’ll excuse me, gentle reader, I must go send my credit card number to this Russian doctor selling penis-enlargement pills from a 100% real Canadian pharmacy…

Followup: The Local Taphouse

June 15th, 2008
Posted in Uncategorized

Last night, I wrote a quick review of the Local Taphouse in St Kilda, where we’d gone for dinner. I basically said that while the food was good and the beer was great, the service was terrible.

This afternoon, I got a comment from one of the owners. I followed it up, and spoke with Guy, one of the other owners. They were concerned about the bad service we received, and wanted to fix it. We had a good conversation, and it looks like they might be making some changes.

Good on them for being so open and responsive! Hopefully things will improve. It’s a great fit-out, and their stated intention is for it to be the best place for beer in Australia. I hope that works out for them, and that this problem with service is just teething problems.

Review: The Local Taphouse, St Kilda

June 15th, 2008
Posted in Melbn, Things that go in your mouth

Excellent beer selection. Lots of interesting beers on tap – some not available anywhere else. Even more beer available in stubbies. The wine selection was very small, but contained a well thought-out variety, all of suitable quality. The food was well above average; with my shredded duck being excellent. Prices were very fair.

The service, however, was lousy. If an establishment is unable to provide adequate table service, then just don’t do it. Don’t pretend that you’re able to, and do it poorly. We were ignored, insulted and ignored again. I might come back for a beer, but I certainly won’t be eating there again.

The discrepancy between the quality of food and service was so great that we decided not to tip the waitstaff, but rather hand the tip directly to the kitchen, along with a personal thanks for a good meal.

They’re coming!

June 6th, 2008
Posted in Cult of Steve

The WWDC keynote happens very early Tuesday morning, our time.

MacRumo(u)rs: Australian Resellers Receive Mysterious Boxes, Not to Open

Womadelaide reviews

June 3rd, 2008
Posted in Uncategorized

A few weeks ago, I got a comment on my Womadelaide page from a nice guy named Dave, who is documenting the Womadelaide festivals on his site. He politely asked to use my photos from the festival, for which I happily gave my permission. Please have a look at Dave’s excellent overview of Womadelaide 2005, featuring some never-before-published photos by yours truly. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make it next year.