Archive for the About music category

My new rock band

August 26th, 2008
Posted in About music, Funny, The list memes

I’ve always wanted to be in a band, and since I can’t sing or play an instrument, it’s gotta be a punk band. One of those endless email forwards ended up in my inbox today, and it details exactly how t make your own band, and release your first album. Very cool, and much quicker to read than The Manual.

1. Random Wikipedia page The first article title on the page is the name of your band.
2. Random quotations page The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.
3. Interesting photos on Flickr The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Therefore, my band is called Sződliget (I can’t even pronounce that!), our first album is called Is to enjoy it, and here’s our cover art:

Polar Bear


www.flickr.com

By the sounds of it, we’re some kind of Nordic heavy metal outfit. Keep an eye out, we’ll be opening for Lordi soon.

What’s your band name?

Russia??

May 26th, 2008
Posted in About music, Culture & Trash

I’m a fan of the Eurovision Song Contest. There, I said it. I like Eurovision, for all its tacky, over-the-top flag-waving bad music – it’s really pretty good entertainment. Sure, there are some boring songs, but for all those, there are some absolutely fantastically bad ones, ones that are obviously taking the piss and ones that you’re really not quite sure what to make of them. Then, of course, there’s the turkey, and the less said of that, the better.

Usually, someone that’s a bit deserving wins. Two years ago, it was Lordi from Finland. They rocked, rocked hard, and most importantly, rocked interestingly and entertainingly. But what is this Russian winning song ? It’s garbage. It’s certainly not very good, but unfortunately, it’s not exactly very bad either, and that’s really what I have the biggest problem with. If I want to hear boring music, I’ll turn on a commercial radio station. This is Eurovison, for Wogan’s sake! The epitome of tacky! I watch it to be entertained. I think I got up to clean the dinner dishes during the Russian performance. Snoozefest!

Sort of dunno nothin’

April 3rd, 2008
Posted in About music, Funny

This video closed out Spicks & Specks last night, so I just had to find it and share it with you, gentle reader.

Anyone who lives with a teenager ought to find this hilarious.

Quoted: Warren Ellis

January 16th, 2008
Posted in About a Film, About music

“We’d like to do a song, ladies and gentlemen, about how love kind of disappears after about 3 days… and you sort of like think ‘I kind of like you but maybe it’s not really working’. You decide that you’ll lock yourself away in a room and fill yourself with as many drugs as you can. And you do this, ladies and gentlemen, and you have such a good time that you forget that you don’t actually love them anymore and it doesn’t matter. You’re walking along one day, and because you’re sort of like this indie rocker, you sort of like hear this Weezer song that says ‘Oooh I look like Buddy Holly and she’s Mary Tyler Moore’ and you think you’re Buddy Holly and she’s Mary Tyler Moore and you kind of like start to think ‘That’s pretty cool.’ Then you kind of look in the window of the shop that you’re going into to buy some bread and you realize that you are actually … Burt Reynolds … and she’s Sally Fields … and you’ve been cast in Smokey and the Bandit 98. You have a toupee… and she’s not The Flying Nun anymore. So that’s kind of bummed you out and you think ‘We really didn’t find love, but we had a lot of fun on the drugs … but if it’s going to make me look like Burt Reynolds and you look like Sally Fields maybe we have to look at doing something else or maybe take another drug that makes us feel, like, kind of better than that.’ But you know in this time, ladies and gentlemen, you know in this time that … Everything Is Fucked.”—Warren Ellis (source))

Thank you Mr Ellis. Oh, and gentle reader, if you want to listen to a fantastic soundtrack, go pick up the work that Ellis did with his friend Nick Cave for the film The Assassination of Jesse James. I’m listening to it right now, and it’s stunning.

As seen in Elsternwick

December 20th, 2007
Posted in About music, Funny

I don’t think I can say anything else here.

Stop! Hammertime

It’s Hammertime!

The song in my head right now

December 12th, 2007
Posted in About music

This one was a sleeper. One of those songs I remember kinda liking, and then forgetting about. It came up randomly on my iPod coming home from work today, and I’m wondering why I didn’t give it more stars in iTunes, or at least remember it. It’s so brilliant and catchy. Why did I discard it so lightly last time around?

I’m making up for lost time now – so far five back-to-back listenings.

The song is called Protons, Neutrons, Electrons by The Cat Empire. Here’s the chorus, the lyrics can be had, too.

Protons, Neutrons, Electrons
That rest on a Sunday
Work on a Monday and someday soon
We’ll be singing the old tunes
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-doo
I’ll be sitting on the porch with you
Then I’ll die and I’ll fly off into the blue

Have a listen at iTunes. Then buy it. Play it a billion times. Thank me later.

Assorted wisdom from Iggy and the Stooges

September 20th, 2007
Posted in About music, Culture & Trash, Funny

Last night on Spicks and Specks, the musical game show that doesn’t have the gorgeous Julia Zemiro in it (but it’s got Myf, and Adam’s kind of cute too, so that’s okay), they quoted at length from a rider for Iggy and the Stooges. Being a clever kind of guy, and a friend of the Google, I went and found it. It’s a hilarious document, especially compared to most of the other whiney riders I’ve read in my time.

Here’s some random snippets.

In which the rider teaches international standards and spelling to Americans:

Note to our American brethren: A metre is about 3 feet 3 inches. And ‘metre’ is ‘meter’ spelt correctly…

In which the rider throws terror into the hearts of monitormen:

We need: one (1) monitor man who speaks good English and is not afraid of death.

In which the rider gets tangental about pandas (again):

Anyway, there you have it : straight from the horse’s mouth. I’m not saying Chris is a horse, naturally. Actually that would make quite an interesting fight, wouldn’t it – Horse v Panda? I think the panda might just win it if he managed to get on the horse’s back and sink his teeth and claws into its neck. Without getting kicked in the bollocks, of course. Two hooves in a Panda’s gonads would probably bring victory to the horse, though I doubt it would celebrate much. Horses arent big champagne drinkers.
And fucking Grand Prix drivers just squirt it all over each other.

I’ll leave the rest of it for you to read yourself. Trust me, it’s brilliant.

Paul Kelly on Melbn

May 27th, 2007
Posted in About music, Life

Melbn’s The Age newspaper produces a monthly glossy magazine sporting the quite unruly name of theage(melbourne)magazine. Despite the wanky name, it is really quite an excellent and well-balanced generalist magazine.

One of the articles in this month’s edition is about one of the patron saints of Melbn, Paul Kelly. I think every great city needs someone to tell its stories. For example, New York has Lou Reed or Paul Auster, Vancouver has Douglas Coupland, other cities have other people. These are people who write and sing about their cities as if they were actual characters in their songs and stories. These storytellers are special because they tell their stories in the style of the city they’re from.

Paul Kelly sings songs about Melbn. By and large, these songs are excellent. Truly magnificent pieces of storytelling, full of subtlety and grace; making a point without seeming preachy or trite. His simple words are inexorably linked to bits and pieces of Melbn: the MCG, the St Kilda foreshore, the Nylex clock. One day, when I leave here for some other place, I know I’ll be able to come back whenever I want to, simply by clicking on his name in iTunes. Right now, I know I can go to Vancouver whenever I want, just by reading some Coupland. He writes about Save-on-Foods, about that crap Chinese restaurant on the right side of Nancy Greene Way, on the way up to Grouse Mountain. He writes about Yaletown.

I’ve always said that Melbn is somewhat up itself, and has a massive inferiority complex. In some ways, this is justified, because it will never be as naturally pretty as Sydney or even Adelaide – but that shouldn’t matter. Melbn keeps comparing itself to other places and finding little things that it does better, smugly assured that because it’s done this, everyone will start liking it. That behaviour reminds me, in many ways, of an insecure person, always trying to make other people like them, because they crave that kind of validation. Melbn isn’t good enough for Melbn to like it. Melbn has to always prove itself in the eyes of its citizens, and the rest of the world (read “Sydney”).

So there’s this article about Paul Kelly. He doesn’t interview much, apparently, but he was full of gems for this one. Now here’s my point, the reason to write all these words. He’s managed to explain my feelings for this place. Here it is:

“The thing I don’t like about Melbourne is the way it worries about itself so much: all this constantly wondering whether it’s doing things world’s best practice … and this mania for having events here. There’s a boosterism here that I don’t like. Sydney people are not like that. They’re not always worrying about whether they’re better than Melbourne. They just like the place where they live and get on with it. So, yeah, I like Melbourne, It’s my home, but I love other cities too.”

Thank you, Paul. That’s it in a nutshell. I suppose it takes someone who’s lived elsewhere to see it.

Daddy Cool: The Musical

May 2nd, 2007
Posted in About music

I should have known better. It’s a musical by Frank Farian, the same bloke that inflicted Boney M and Milli Vanilli on us. He didn’t bother writing anything new, so the musical is just a mess of songs by Boney M, Milli Vanilli, La Bouche, Le Click and Les Miserables. I made the last one up. These songs are very very tied together with a “story” that is Shakespearean in its proportions. Not because it’s any good, but because it was ripped off wholesale from Romeo and Juliet.

Daddy Cool

The only thing stopping me from clawing out my ears in an effort to save my brain is sheer willpower to save you, gentle reader, from this fate. It’s incredibly bad. Insanely awful. It’s boring, irrelevant, poorly sung, poorly acted and the world would probably be a better place if someone had simply said “no”. I would turn it off, but my brain is squashed up in the middle of my head (to get as far away from the noise as possible), and fine motor control is impossible. I can only hope the noise stops before I have to go to the toilet.

Do not buy this music. Do not go see it, if it ever disgraces your town with its presence. Buying it from shops for the express purpose of destroying it might be a justifiable expense. Run far far away.

Kellis: Plagiarist!

April 18th, 2007
Posted in About music, Funny

One of the most irritating songs of last year (and a song that was too lyrically complex for Alan Brough) was a blatant ripoff of an old medaeval scroll! Look at the lyrics from the chorus:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they’re like “It’s better than yours”
Damn right, It’s better than yours,
I can teach you, but I have to charge.

And now here’s proof:

My milkshake bringeth all ye gentlefolk to the yard

A class act like Kellis, stealing lyrics from monks? Say it ain’t so!