Sick of being sick

I’m sick. Again. In the past four weeks, I’ve been sick three times. Always only a day or so though, since I’ve mastered the trick of getting rid of colds. Or so I believe now since I’m feeling overconfident. Hello, hubris!

So, I’ll present for your greater knowledge, gentle reader, Jurgen’s recipe for getting rid of colds . The point here is to make the germs think you’re completely insane, and make them leave of their own accord.

I usually start with hot spicy Vietnamese pho for lunch, with lots of chilis. Pop a vitamin C. For dinner, sushi with lots of wasabi, or at least something with garlic or hot stuff in it. Pop a vitamin C. I had leftover goulash with paprika. Then comes the serious artillery. Get some whiskey. Then get some more. Add to that some honey, cloves and lemon. Pop it in the microwave at 50% heat for about a minute. Drink it as hot as you can. Feel the frikkin’ burn. Pop a vitamin C. Then make a glass of Lemsip hot lemon relief™. Ignore the warnings not to mix with alcohol. The point here is to pass out. Drink it as hot as you can. Pop a vitamin C. Then the pièce de résistance – VapoRub. Shove a bunch of Vicks Vaporub up your nose. It clears the sinuses in the same way that Ex-lax clears the bowels. That way, you don’t choke on your snot when you pass out.

I’ll be just fine tomorrow.