Strong Bad
Right. This is surreal.
First, some background. On MSN messenger, my screen name is “strongbad”. I picked it years ago when I first saw Homestar Runner Little did I know how popular that site would become, or what kind of freaks would want to have an instant messenger conversation with .
About a week ago, I got an instant message from someone called “Fuck fear drink beer”. It was someone named Tina, the girlfriend of someone named Kyle. I didn’t know who these people were. Tina seemed nice though, so we had a pleasant enough conversation about a new job she was going for. She seemed to think I knew Kyle somehow, since I was on his buddy list.
Since then, she’s added me to her own list, and says hi from time to time. She lives in Edmonton with this Kyle guy, who sounds like a real winner. She says he doesn’t let her outside without him because he’s afraid some other guy will steal her away because she’s beautiful. So she sits at home and instant messages with strangers.
After a week or so, Kyle finally gets online when I am, and starts talking with me. He’s in another window right now as I’m typing this. My opinion of him is going down with each passing minute. Get this: even after telling him that I have nothing to do with the site, he keeps telling me how cool he is, and how much he wants to be on the site .
FUCK FEAR DRINK BEER (18:14:40): my reson is that ilove your page the page i love how you run it i want to be part of home star runeer family cuase i no ill do good that page it 100 like me i wouldent change a thing its my like world on the cumputer and i would love it
He doesn’t get it. After a few minutes of this, I decided to get into character. I am now pretending to be with some guy from Edmonton. Seeing if I can somehow convince him, in a kind of way, that I am not .
Jurgen (18:26:39): You’re talking to a figment of someone else’s imagination. I’m not real. I don’t exist, dude. There are no real people there. Except maybe Teen GIrl Squad.
Tina, if you ever happen to stumble across this page, I really hope you escaped from Kyle. You seem like a smart girl. Escape from Kyle. Hell, escape from Edmonton. There are better guys out there, trust me. I know a few, some your age, even. Not many in Edmonton, though.
FUCK FEAR DRINK BEER (18:38:19): ok how do i be a guy that you are
Jurgen (18:38:32): You can’t be a guy like me. I’m not real. You are.