A solution to the USA problem
Okay. Here’s an idea. We flood the USA with people from another country, who will, though non\-violent means, simply take over. The sheer numbers involved will make it impossible for the USA bureaucracy to function. These people will apply for citizenship, look for places to live, set up shops, get library cards, look for jobs, try to get elected, and line up in places.
The current population of the USA is about 300 million people. I reckon for this to be really effective, we need about 400 or 500 million people. That number would truly gum things up for them, and force them to concentrate on internal problems and leave the rest of us alone.
Now, where to get all these people from? It would be easy to use Canadians and Mexicans, but there’s only about 40-50 million of them, tops. There aren’t many countries who could spare 500 million people, so we can eliminate smaller ones like Switzerland and South Africa. The people would need to have a history of passive resistance, an enterprising and clever nature, and it would be helpful if they would want to move – say, being stuck in an overcrowded country. Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky? Yes! India! They’ve just recently passed 1 billion people, so they can certainly spare a few hundred million. I also appreciate the irony of real Indians showing up in North America to displace the “current” indigenous people. Maybe American Reservations can be built, where they can drive around in their traditional SUVs, eat hamburgers and watch reruns of reality TV shows.
Now the problem comes up: how to get these 500 million people to the USA? It would have to be done pretty quickly, say in a week, otherwise there will be time for the USA to prepare for the peaceful invasion and do something about it. I found this flight:
(click to enlarge)
Change planes in Amsterdam – maybe we get get KLM to throw in a stopover. After all, we are buying 500 million tickets. It’s only US$872 right now, and they’ll probably do a decent bulk discount for 500 million people. So, let’s say they’ll lower it to $500. That’s 250 billion dollars. That’s a bit expensive. Besides that, if they use 747’s that fit 400 people each, it will take 1.25 million flights – just over two takeoffs per second. Not only would that be dangerous and unsafe, someone would probably notice. What with the return-trip flight time of nearly 48 hours, we’d have to find nearly 400,000 Boeing 747s from somewhere. I have a feeling the world is a few hundred thousand airplanes short. Not to mention massive jet fuel requirements.
Remember that scene in Wallace & Gromit’s The Wrong Trousers , right at the very end during the model railroad chase sequence? Gromit was chasing Feathers McGraw on a model train, and Feathers pushed Gromit’s train onto a dead-end track. Thinking fast, Gromit grabbed a box of tracks and built the tracks as he went. Clever dog.
Picture a giant, kilometre-wide moving sidewalk. It moves at a fair clip, and can build itself, using prefabricated modules, as it goes. We can get the Chinese to build the modules, having proven themselves very well at megaprojects in the past. No one will notice, since they’ve got lots of space in their country, and no one really asks too many questions. As an added bonus, they’re a neighbour of India’s. Hey! Maybe some of them would like to come along too! So we start the moving sidewalk there, and get people on it in kilometre-wide swaths. Assuming that one person is about a metre, shoulder-to-shoulder, that means we can deliver more 1000 people per second through this sidewalk – definitely better than the 747 idea! That’s 86.4 million people per day!
We can run the sidewalk up over the North Pole, and our 500 million people will see a lot of nice scenery along the way. Hopefully the Northern Lights will be in the sky, it would really be a nice trip for them. Then south through Canada – down through Saskatchewan, so no one will notice, and into the USA. After the last bunch has arrived, the moving sidewalk can disassemble itself, and the new arrivals can use the segments as housing or transportation around the USA.
This solves both the overcrowding in India, as well as the dangerous political stance that the USA has taken up recently. I’m brilliant.