Nokia to buy, rename Finland

Following today’s news that Nokia [accounts for up to 3\.5% of Finland’s GDP,](http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/10/19/finland_n_nokia/)  Finland’s government has announced a wide-ranging public-private merger with Nokia Corp.

Starting tomorrow, Nokia will assume operations of Finland. Nokia’s CEO, Jorma Ollila, will become President of Finland, and all Finnish citizens will become Nokia employees. Finnish social services will be administered by Nokia’s HR department.

It will be a civil offence to be found using a mobile phone by SonyEricsson or Siemens, while users of other mobile phone brands can be shot on sight. US mobile phone giant Motorola is expected to launch an official complaint with the World Court.

In addition, Nokia has announced that they will seek to officially rename the country after themselves. “Everybody’s heard of the Nokia brand, but the Finland brand hasn’t had the same kind of care and attention,” said Hirkki Hikkanlakken, PR manager at Nokia. “As you know, ‘finish’ is a verb in English, which can lead to misunderstandings. By eliminating a potential source of confusion, we can market Nokia much more effectively.” Calls to Turkey’s tourism department remain unanswered at press time.

To help ease the transition, Nokia announced that all Nokia phone owners who had returned the warranty registration cards would be eligible for 5 free nights of accommodation at any Finnish hotel. Just dial *#HOTEL from any Nokia phone to take advantage of this offer.