Science news update

As a public service for you, gentle reader, I locate disturbing trends in recent science stories and present them in such a way so that you may draw your own conclusions. Of course you’ll agree with me.

First, news from the BBC tells us that as weird as anti-matter is, there’s even weirder stuff out there. Anti-matter is a kind of antithesis to real matter. Like two male guinea pigs, if you put both in a box, only one will come out. There will also be all kinds of weird noises and lots of energy expelled. That’s how Star Trek worked. Anti-matter, not guinea pigs. Anyway, these scientists have found something even weirder stuck to the side of an asteroid. They call it “Mirror Matter”, so that headline writers have an assonance to work with.

If only Dr. Foot talked to the Russian Academy of Sciences, who have been cataloguing a bunch of weird weather around the globe. Cosmic rays, perhaps weird-ass mirror cosmic rays are smashing against Earth, causing all kinds of hell to break loose. It certainly does explain the odd weather of late.

However, if those scientists would merely drink more beer, they would get a lot smarter, and figure out what’s going on much more quickly. Oh. Wait, there’s a catch. The alcohol-makes-you-smart thing only works on women. Never mind. There goes my theory. And I can’t even have a drink and think about it. I’m a guy, I’ll get stupider.