Assorted wisdom from Iggy and the Stooges

Last night on [Spicks and Specks](http://abc.net.au/tv/spicksandspecks/)  , the musical game show that doesn’t have the gorgeous [Julia Zemiro](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julia_Zemiro)  in it (but it’s got [Myf](http://images.google.com/images?q=myf+warhurst&num=100&hl=en&safe=off&client=safari&rls=en&pwst=1&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=images&ct=title)  , and [Adam’s](http://www.adamhills.com/)  kind of cute too, so that’s okay), they quoted at length from a [rider](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rider_%28theater%29)  for Iggy and the Stooges. Being a clever kind of guy, and a friend of the Google, I went and [found it](http://www.josgrain.com/riders.html)  . It’s a hilarious document, especially compared to most of the other whiney riders I’ve read in my time.

Here’s some random snippets.

In which the rider teaches international standards and spelling to Americans:

Note to our American brethren: A metre is about 3 feet 3 inches. And ‘metre’ is ‘meter’ spelt correctly…

In which the rider throws terror into the hearts of monitormen:

We need: one (1) monitor man who speaks good English and is not afraid of death.

In which the rider gets tangental about pandas (again):

Anyway, there you have it : straight from the horse’s mouth. I’m not saying Chris is a horse, naturally. Actually that would make quite an interesting fight, wouldn’t it – Horse v Panda? I think the panda might just win it if he managed to get on the horse’s back and sink his teeth and claws into its neck. Without getting kicked in the bollocks, of course. Two hooves in a Panda’s gonads would probably bring victory to the horse, though I doubt it would celebrate much. Horses arent big champagne drinkers.

And fucking Grand Prix drivers just squirt it all over each other.

I’ll leave the rest of it for you to read yourself. Trust me, it’s brilliant.